"I've Got a Keg"

Don't mention a six-pack in any context unless you want to hear, "I don't have a six pack, I have a keg".  The soft-in-the-middle person will then pat their flabby stomach and chuckle heartily at their own ingenuity.

Why are you calling attention to your worst feature?  If I was Quasimodo and someone mentioned backs, I wouldn't direct everyone to look at my horribly malformed spine, I'd probably try something along the lines of "....backs are OK but how are you at ringing huge bells?? Because I'm really good at it".